Vacancy
by Calm77
Summary: Nature abhors a vacuum. Zack agrees. Very dark. No flames please. Now a collection of dark Zack drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

_Vacancy_

Disclaimer: Nothing but the idea is mine. I think.

A/N: Wait! This is not fluff, this is _not_ humor, and above all it is NOT angst. Takes deep breath I missed writing in this style, just feels more like home...Shocked was trying to eat me. Hope I haven't lost my touch!

It's the glowing sign outside a hotel letting a traveler know there's space for rent. _Vacancy. _Unused space.

It seldom stays that way.

Nature abhors a vacuum. Plants will grow in an empty field, animals will move into an abandoned building. A prolonged vacancy implies the space is unlivable.

Emptiness in a livable place is unnatural and unheard of.

Even to humans.

Zack'd never really thought of it that way. Nothing he owned had ever been left vacant. In his mind if you weren't going to use it, why not make it available to others?

Let's not be selfish, right?

Or perhaps it was a sign of the ultimate selfishness. He'd never really thought of it that way until he was dying.

And there was a _vacancy_ sign written in his companions eyes. Or so he'd thought.

But the boy was still in there, but he wasn't hanging on tightly. At least, until Zack tried to force him out.

No one back at home would've thought _him_ to be the one doing it. Zack Fair'd always been a good boy, a hero. SOLDIER First Class.

But he was the same kid who could completely ignore his parent for _years_, had fought ruthlessly enough in the Wutai war to be promoted so quickly. The same kid who was just fine with ShinRa and it's policies.

ShinRa _demanded_ her soldiers be hard. Zack was no exception. He'd seen _all_ of the misery of the slums, the underhanded things ShinRa had done. Knew about the infighting and the greed of the higher ups.

And did nothing. Because he couldn't care less.

But he did like to sugar coat it. Zack had a price. He was perfectly willing to take a slum girl to be his girlfriend, but he was also willing to ignore the others. Ignore the unnecessary squalor.

Because ShinRa'd given him the laurels of a hero. First Class had its benefits, its luxuries. He wasn't ready to give that up, no matter how underhanded the company. As long as it wasn't directed at him, he couldn't care less.

When it had, it'd been too late. For those who might've spoken for him were already gone ahead of him.

And as he was dying, Zack knew he didn't want to. Heroes didn't die. He had a girl to get back to, a _life_ to live.

Cloud wasn't using his body, surely he wouldn't mind?

Let's not be selfish.

Even if he'd had to force parts of the boy out, and absorb others.

In the end, Zack was ShinRa. They only said "_You're_ not gonna use it."

But he hadn't managed to force the boy out completely. Only enough so _he_ could become a part of whoever Cloud was now. Kid was stronger than he'd thought.

Zack would watch that strength later. See how a soul with one foot in the grave could drag its broken bleeding self against Sephiroth the Great and win.

Zack would bitterly lament how that soul hadn't been his.

Some 'hero' he'd been.

Review. Now. Go. Shoo.


	2. Chapter 2

_What You Wish For_

Disclaimer: Well it's not mine, lah dee dah.

A/N: The idea of a darker Zack has really stuck for some reason. I like him better too. He's more...real in a way. Hey Silver Pard, your 'oneshot' Eidolon was what finally gave me the motivation to write this, thanks! Enjoy.

_I did it because I cared._

Zack will say he loves the boy. Will, _has_, pulled out all the stops for him.

Most believe him. _Cloud_ believes him – and that's what matters. After all, Zack did haul his comatose body out of the labs, drag it almost to Midgar, and die protecting it. Lets Cloud take whatever he needs from himself – even in death.

_What more could I've done?_

Now if Zack were an idea, a personification of goodness it might be so. If Zack were above human.

But he isn't. He has his own needs, insecurities, wants, and fears. His own desire to live. First-Class SOLDIER before he's out of his teens, Zack is not innocent.

_First-Class SOLDIER meant hero to the guys back home. I've killed, lied stolen, and turned a blind eye to so much to get it. It's how ShinRa works._

_Don't look at me like that. You'd've done the same. _

Some might say Zack's 'adoption' of a green recruit, a grunt, was a deed done solely out of the goodness of Zack's heart.

Most would not agree. Many looked with quiet pity at the slim, unassuming blond boy. Zack didn't adopt him simply because the boy needed adoption but because _Zack also needed someone to adopt_. Someone lesser than himself. Weaker.

Or is it someone lesser to make himself feel big and strong, _secure and needed?_

_It felt so good to know I meant so much to someone, you know? _

Most wouldn't know it since Zack himself is cocky, arrogant, and secure in his abilities. First-Class. What does he need to be insecure about?

_Sephiroth_. _The man's unreal. I'll never be that good no matter how hard I train…_

What does one need even a First-Class SOLDIER when Sephiroth is leagues above even that vaunted level? How can one be secure in one's own abilities when even at the top of his game Zack is only a fraction of what Sephiroth is?

Maybe if the Great Man himself wasn't right there _every day_ reminding him of how little he was it might not have been necessary. If life had let him forget. But he can't. The level he can't reach is always right there in front of him, wearing down his bravado.

_He's the guy whose shadow everyone's in, no matter how good they are. I'll always be second-best compared to him…_

So he finds someone weaker. To remind himself that while he is a mere mortal compared to Sephiroth, he is still a God compared to men. A hero. Strong.

_It's not like I didn't want the kid to succeed, but I needed to be able to know I was still good, still one of the best. Someone to look up to. _

What he's doing is trying to be that unreachable ideal for someone else.

Cloud is the perfect pick. Too young to be strong and fit enough for SOLDIER but ShinRa will never turn the willing away, it will be years before he enters SOLDIER. Years Zack can use to his own betterment. He'll help the boy along, secure in the knowledge he will always be more than the younger one.

_He's a nice kid. Quiet, but there's this way to him. I can make him something. _

In his own way Zack does love the kid, like a little brother or a pet project. Not like a person. Not yet, maybe.

When little nobody Cloud Strife makes the first fatal blow against Sephiroth the Great, Zack Fair's world has shattered.

_How…?_

The carefully crafted hierarchy has been upset, suddenly Zack is just another fallen SOLDIER and Sephiroth the Great, the Demon of Wutai can break and bleed like any other man.

_I've fought a war with him and never seen him that injured…how? _

To Zack Fair it's _Cloud's_ fault. Rationally he knows it's not the boy's fault his own view of life is flawed, rationally he knows Sephiroth was always really just a man, but humans are not rational and in the end neither is Zack.

Cloud is the final factor that upset the balance.

Sephiroth is so far above Zack if the man goes crazy it's simply the end of the world and maybe Zack wanted it to be that way – go out in a blaze of glory, erasing all the corruption.

_SOLDIER thought he was practically a God, I did too. If he goes nuts, isn't that what great men do in this crazy world?_

His own defeat does not surprise him – Sephiroth is his unreachable ideal. How can he defeat that?

_Always second best…_

But then a nobody grunt who is younger than Zack when he made First-Class has done the impossible and Zack's world spinning. How can someone _below_ him do what he cannot? How can the lowest do what hundreds before him have tried and failed at?

_How could _Cloud_ of all people…?_

Zack is angry, jealous, confused, and afraid. He had told the boy to kill Sephiroth to make the cycle complete – the apprentice must fall with the master. If _he_ must hurt then every one else will know his pain too.

_Come die with me kid, I don't want to go alone…_

Jealous since it was not his hand and he _wants_ it to be so very badly. This boy is _nothing_ special. _Nothing_ at all. _Zack_ is a prodigy. The injustice is galling.

_Why not me?_ _I was the hero…_

Like many humans before him Zack gets angry at life, at Sephiroth for being something he wasn't supposed to – fallible, for luck at favoring another.

Anger will find the nearest outlet and Zack's outlet is Cloud.

_I hate you Cloud…you took what I wanted and you didn't even want it…_

Later he'll claim it's devotion that makes him rescue the boy, die for him, cling to him in death.

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't meant it, oh god kid, please…you've got to live…_

Few realize it's not.

'_Liar' Her green eyes flash, his lies about caring driving her away when his humanity had not._

Aeris does. Even in the afterlife she keeps her distance, supports a man Zack wishes he was.

Sephiroth does, and perhaps that's the thing Zack is most jealous of. He'd rather have _any_ of Sephiroth's attention than to be worth none at all. He is still Zack's unreachable ideal, even flawed. It galls Zack still to see the man obsessed with a nobody. With _Cloud_.

_The disgusted look in Sephiroth's strange eyes when Zack tells him this is enough to make Zack wish he had died a second time…_

It's guilt and selfishness that bind him to Cloud Strife.

Guilt over the betrayal of his own heroic pretensions. Over his own _human_ feelings. Twenty three's a young age to die no matter who you ask. Zack doesn't want to die at twenty-three.

_I've got so much to live for! I had a life ahead of me! He had nothing, not even a home to go back to!_

But he can't leave a boy he's hated - so badly and without cause _he knows this –_ a boy he's wronged.

_Should've sent the kid away, told him to run, to help me out of there but never to go kill Sephiroth, never that. God, Cloud I didn't meant it!_

He'd sent the boy knowingly to his death and Zack can't live with the knowledge and leave the kid. Can't do it and sleep at night. The screams would stay with him forever then.

_They're with me now but at least I don't have to know there will be more…_

But he doesn't want to die young, with so much life ahead of him and so much to live for. There's room in Cloud's head for one more, isn't there? He's not really there, not using it…not worth the bullet to kill him…

_I wanted to live, is that so wrong? You'd want the same._

It means he'll never find rest, part of him is part of Cloud Strife's soul. He's as bound as Sephiroth, both tied willingly but without realizing the consequences of their actions. Only later will they realize they have signed away their freedom.

_I can't leave you now. Who the hell are you to hold me here? Why can't I let go either?_

What Cloud really is to Sephiroth Zack doesn't know. He isn't sure he wants to. He knows what Cloud is to him though and that's complicated enough – friend and unknown rival, student and teacher. A contradiction. Just like his feelings. It's fitting.

_But as much as I hate him, I still love him. That's _my_ boy who did that and I'm proud of him. _

To Cloud Zack is a hero, a mentor, an unreachable ideal. Nothing sickens Zack more than the irony of it all. If only the boy knew…

If _he'd_ realized the cost of being a hero….

_Be careful what you wish for…you might get it…If I had a stomach I'd vomit now..._

_Review. Please._


End file.
